The Patient

Salut mes amis! So I write these kind of incomplete short stories that I think are pretty good. I’m a good writer(not to toot my own horn). Anyway, this is one of them. I like being the person who posts the randomest things on her blog. I can write anything, I guess. So I’m adding my short stories to the list of things I can write here. So, yeah. Here it is.

Dr. Pillsbury softly tapped the arm of her cream leather chair. She looked into the doleful grey eyes of her patient as she tried to get him to talk about his feelings. “Did you ever want something so badly that you were ready to do anything to get it? Even kill for it.”, Mr. Riverton asked. Dr. Pillsbury fidgeted with the pearls around her neck. “Do you want something that badly right now?”, she asked. “Why can’t any therapists ever give straight answers? You’re always being cryptic or replying to questions with your own ‘rhetorical’ questions! Yes. I do want something that badly.” Mr. Riverton looked down at his large feet, seeming a little embarrassed.

“For once, Dr. Pillsbury, just answer my question. Have you ever wanted something so badly you would do anything, I mean anything for it?” “Yes. I have.”, she replied with a straight face. She betrayed no emotions and no thoughts. Her whole job was about her patients and she focused on getting them to deal with themselves and the deep, dark parts of their minds.

“Tell me then, Dr. Pillsbury. What was it you wanted?” Samuel Riverton stared at her, waiting for her answer. He sat opposite to her, just a little distance away. His hair was dark and curly, she noticed, unlike her own blonde locks. He was a big man. He had broad shoulders and a burly figure. He could overpower me easily if it came to that, she thought. He scared her. She didn’t know why. He licked his lips slowly. It made Anne Pillsbury uncomfortable, but once again, she showed no emotion.

“I don’t talk about myself with my patients. At least not unless I think it will help.” “It will help. More than you think. So please, tell me.” Mr. Riverton pulled his couch a little closer. He observed Dr. Pillsbury’s face. Her dark eyes, the wisps of golden hair around her heart shaped face, the curve of her eyebrows, her full lips, the faded scar on her chin. He noticed everything as she spoke.

“My sister’s boyfriend. I was in love with him and I wanted him. I did some terrible things to get him. So yes, I have definitely gone through what you seem to be dealing with right now. So what is it that you want?” “No. We’re not done talking about you, Dr. Pillsbury. How did you get him? Your sister’s boyfriend.”

Anne hesitated. She didn’t like the direction the session was going in. It was almost like she’d switched places with her patient. But she answered anyway. “I doctored some pictures and made it look like my sister had cheated on him. Then I comforted him after he dumped her. He fell in love with me and then married me. But I regret what I did. The guilt eats away at me all the time. Now let’s get back to you, Samuel. What do you want so badly?”

Samuel smiled slyly. He leaned forward so close to her that she could feel his warm, minty breath on her face. “You. Anne Pillsbury. I want you. And I’m willing to do anything.” Anne jumped back, her eyes wide. Samuel laughed, like he had expected that to happen. His maniacal laughter rang in Anne’s ears.

The sound of his terrifying cackling was the last thing on her mind before Samuel lunged at her with a knife in his hand and slit her throat. She bled out on the floor as her whole life flashed before her eyes. Every horrible thing she ever did consumed her mind in the last few seconds of her life.

Samuel waited to see the life leave her eyes. He put her carcass in a body bag which he wrapped in the large carpet on the floor. He’d been waiting for that moment. He was going to stuff her pretty head and mount it on a wall. He walked out the building just like he had come in and disappeared into the crowd with a rolled carpet on his shoulder.

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A poem on depression 

The world’s as dark

As can possibly be.

I’m locked inside myself,

And I can’t get free.

The world’s also blank,

Like a page without words.

As empty as I am,

So empty it hurts.

I’m surrounded by people,

But I’m still all alone

My mind’s in a scary place,

And I’m on my own.

I’m trapped in a cage,

I can’t get out

I can’t seem to breathe

Or see or shout.

I’m drowning,

Sinking really fast,

But someone’s hand

Reaches for me at last.

The world’s growing bright,

I’m finally free

I’m not empty anymore,

I can breathe, I can see.

Things are different now,

I know I’ll survive

I crawled out from the darkness,

And I’m glad to be alive.

Depression is a big deal and it’s often treated like it’s something that just disappears eventually, something that’s not important enough to pay attention to. But it’s not something to take lightly. It has to be treated with compassion and empathy. Mental health is just as important as anything else. I wrote this poem to talk about depression and how big a deal it is, but also to say that it’s possible to come out of it. That suicide doesn’t have to be the only option. That there are things in the world to live for. And that there are people in the world who care and can help. And I want to believe that there’s always hope in the world. That we just have to look for it.

Is it possible to be selfless?

Most people are selfish. There are also some people who do incredibly selfless things for other beings. Are they really selfless though? Someone once told me that people may pretend to care a lot about the ones they love, but in the end, they only care about themselves. I’ve always been an incredibly selfish person. I had a reason for every stupid thing I did, but I also started to question the reason behind every nice thing I did for someone. I realized that I had a selfish motive behind everything I did.

Maybe I do good things expecting a ‘thank you’ in return so that I feel like they owe me something and I can use it as leverage later. Sometimes I do those things just because I want to make a better image for myself. Either way, I do it because I think that it’ll benefit me in some way. I noticed that if I didn’t get thanked for something I did for someone, I wasn’t satisfied. I started to think. What if every good deed, every work of charity, every sacrifice is made so that the doer benefits from it,whether he realizes it or not?

If you say that there really are selfless people who do things exclusively for other people and not themselves, I don’t think there are. Sometimes they don’t even know that they’re helping someone for themselves until the need arises for them to use the receiver’s gratitude to their advantage. If you talk about religious people who do charitable deeds all the time, they’re doing it because they think it will get them closer to God. If there is an extraordinary politician doing good things, he just wants people to vote for him in the next elections. He’ll probably become a part of the politician stereotype and be a fraud after he’s won the elections.

Everything a person does is for more money, a better image, a better life, better relations with family, a better anything which will benefit him in some way or the other, even if it is minute. Humans were made selfish and there is no exception to that. Every selfless act is hiding a selfish motive. It’s not humanly possible to be selfless.

Now that I’ve popped this idea into your head, I hope you don’t waste too much time looking for the motive behind everything someone does for you. I do think it would be interesting to look for your own motives. You might be surprised by what you find.

More than a nerd

She stayed up late every night and woke up early every morning. She scarificed so much of her sleep because it just didn’t seem important. She had dark circles under her eyes and she found herself struggling to keep up with classes because of her lack of rest. She didn’t let that stop her. She worked harder than anybody else. She spent every waking hour with a textbook in her hand, trying to remember every little detail. She had solved every single sum in her books and she looked for more to do. She tried so hard to do well in every subject and every mark she lost in an exam, pierced her heart because she only ever wanted to excel and make everyone proud. They called her a ‘nerd’ and maybe that’s what she was, but she was also more than that. She was a hard working, caring person who just wanted to feel appreciated for all the effort she put into her work. She wasn’t just a nerd. She was smarter than all the slackers who didn’t care about their work. She tried her best at doing the things she was bad at.She was a person who was ready to put her heart and soul into her work. She was prepared to do anything to achieve. There was so much more to her personality. She was so much more than just a girl who studied too much. 

Embracing imperfection

I hate when you’re disappointed in yourself and people tell you that it’s okay because it’s not. It’s not okay because everyday you have to wake up from this perfect world of your dreams and you realize that you’re still the same person. You’re still just as flawed and imperfect as before and you have to deal with that. You’re going to quit trying to do the things you can’t do because that’s what you’ve always done. It’s definitely not okay, but that can change if you put your mind to it. There may be a voice in your head discouraging you, telling you that you can’t make a difference in the world even though that’s the only goal you’ve ever had, but you can prove that voice wrong. Then you can tell that voice to go bother someone else because you know your worth. You may be imperfect, but imperfection is beautiful. Why try to be perfect when you can be yourself and still be amazing? If you want to change, change for the better, but don’t lose yourself because nothing is as bad as losing the person that you are. You might reach a point where you’re drowning and you’ve almost given up, but don’t lose hope and don’t lose sight of the things that make you a beautiful human being. Appreciate the good things about you and accept your flaws because without them, you wouldn’t be human. Embrace imperfection.