I’m awkward. And if you’re awkward, you know what it’s like. I’m so uneasy around people that it’s difficult for me to make friends. I struggle to make conversation with people and I honestly have no idea how others do it. It annoys the hell out of me when I just can’t think of anything to say to someone. And for an awkward teenager like me, being the new kid in school is the absolute worst.
It has been seven months since school started and I still only know a minute fraction of the people in my grade. Barely anybody at school knows I exist. But I’m not saying I don’t like myself because of it. I love myself. And I preach about embracing imperfection and accepting our flaws so I kind of have to love myself. But sometimes it’s just hard to get over the fact that I’m awkward. There’s this voice in my head that keeps whispering, “Honey, in case you haven’t realized, you’re invisible. And unless you don’t mind, you should probably do something about it.” So every morning I decide, “Today I’m going to talk to someone new. I’m going to initiate a conversation and maybe I’ll make a friend.” But I never follow through.
I guess some part of me thought, when the academic year began, that my so called ‘awesomeness’ would just bring people to me and I wouldn’t have to try. Who was I kidding though? I guess I also overlooked the fact that I’m weird and moody and those things don’t exactly make me very amiable. And then I realized there were people in the world who were naturally charming and goofy and instantly likeable and I could never compete with them.
It’s been 6 days since the beginning of 2018 and I have two resolutions. One is not to skip breakfast and that I’ve actually managed to do. The other one is to make an effort to be just a little less awkward and try to get to know my classmates. I haven’t made much of an effort yet, but I plan to start next week. So good luck to me! I really hope I follow through this time. But I’m only here for another year and then I’m going off to college so I don’t suppose it’s that bad a thing if it doesn’t work out. I’ll have a chance to start over and make an impression, so I think I’ll be fine either way.